June

June financial

Monthly budget for June.
I’ve spent $620.81 more than I’ve earned. This is bad.

Next month I will have additional medical expenses and childcare expenses. My phone bill will be slightly less, since this month had the activation fees and new equipment. And I need to buy (make!?)some birthday presents for the little cousins.

I’m having a hard time figuring out what to cut. It’s usually groceries, but that won’t account for $600.

I could switch babybot from organic formula to regular, but I REALLY don’t want to, and that will account for MAYBE $50. I can switch my own diet to rice and raman, but I really hate that shit.

I might be able to refinance my student loans, but that only means more debt over more years, it won’t really solve the problem.

I’m doing more laundry by hand, but that’s only a few dollars a month. Stealing toilet paper from public restrooms is given, but it doesn’t save a whole lot either.

I haven’t been spending anything on clothing, recreation, etc. I haven’t filled my prescriptions in a while. I really don’t eat out.

Strongly considering making sock puppets or something to sell on etsy. Selling used books on amazon. Selling plasma. Entering drug trials. Prostitution. Something. I’m gonna run out of money real soon here.

My nanny earns more than I do

My daycare is closed next week so I made arrangements to borrow (sublet?) someone’s nanny while they’re on vacation. Despite the fact that I have spent more than I earned for the last six consecutive months, I actually do know a handful of people who own homes and cars and pay nannies. I only have to work three days next week, but having a nanny will cost double what I would be paying for five days of daycare. And she made it pretty clear that what I’m willing to pay her is still substantially less than her usual wages. She lives in a much better neighborhood than I do.

She’s great with the babybot though. She seems to have a natural immunity to the slobbering and flailing. I work with kids, little babies sometimes, and I like it, but I don’t think I have anywhere near the same skills she has. I can see why she costs a lot more than the daycare workers I have. So when the non-profit I work for loses it’s big grant and goes under (which, rumor has it, is an actual possibility), I might just apply for a couple of nanny jobs in nice neighborhoods. Heck, if I took babybot to work with me, I wouldn’t even need daycare and that would pretty much halve my living expenses.

Here it is…

I remember when livejournal was new. When it was over run by teenagers who made quirky lists of “interests.” And communities of girls sharing tips about starving and throwing up. I remember when gmail required invites and only the nerdy sci-fi kids really cared. I remember when facebook was only for college students and you needed an .edu email address to sign up. I remember when myspace was still cool. But kind of alternative, and you could make avatars of yourself as a cartoon. A punkrock cartoon with a mohawk.

Now I read BLOGS. All the time. Foodie blogs, mommy blogs, blogs about adoption, about disability, about transgender experience, about losing a child, about cancer. There are blogs for everything. But eventually they all start sounding the same. Stay at home moms, work at home moms, witty fathers who play guitar, natural foods, yoga, homeopathy, DIY everything, crunchy this and that. I read them the way I would read a National Geographic. The way I read the crime section of the news, or obituaries. They have nothing to do with my life and experiences. I get hypnotized because I just don’t get it. I read months and months of blog posts over a few days. Your life on fast forward. It amazes me. It also infuriates me. Where are the blogs about single moms who work full time and can barely afford daycare? How about real food on a food-stamp budget? Where are the blogs about restraining orders and custody battles? The blogs that have to be typed up at the library by people who can’t afford basic internet, much less fancy tablets and gadgets.

I guess I’m finally tired of wishing I could read something that sounded like my life. And wishing the advice in the comments made sense for my family. So here it is. A single mom with a low paying job, no car, and not much help. A single mom with a lot of student debt and not so much apartment space. Someone who knows food insecurity and financial insecurity, and wonders why the heck she brought a baby into the mix. Here it is.