After a rough day I spent some time yesterday evening centering myself. Shavasana and the rosary, until I came to peace with what had gone wrong, what was lost, and what was at stake. I find it intersting that the Eastern-religion ideal of non-attachement is so frowned upon here. What they call enlightenment, we call giving-up or even diagnose as depression.
Moments after I finished praying a sudden downpour started, and as I turned toward the window to decide if I should close it, lightening struck the tree just outside. Deafened for a moment, I jumped up, then went back to babybot expecting her to be awake and terrified. She wasn’t. She slept through the lightning. She’s either asleep or smiling, and when she does cry its almost always because she needs sleep. She doesn’t worry about family income and the cost of daycare and all the what-ifs. She doesn’t agonize over the reality of having to choose between healthy food and affordable food. She doesn’t get upset when the bus is too crowded or too slow. She’s just happy, all the time. I worry sometimes that she’ll pick up on my stress and she’ll be unhappy without even knowing why, but it hasn’t happened yet. As long as my babybot is smiling and sleeping I know that everything is okay.