October

October financial

Overspent by $569.30

 

I’m still paying student loans and medical debt. When I really run out of money I can stop student loans, at least temporarily. Not a long term solution, but it will help.

 

Starting next month I will have slightly higher income, slightly lower daycare costs. Medical debt will finally be paid off (I really should look at the health care exchange and see if I can save money on monthly premium, but I haven’t gotten around to it). Should look at phone/internet costs too. Spending more on holiday gifts, holiday travel, blah blah blah. I wish I could just exempt myself from holidays, but I cannot.

 

Overall, though, I think things will average out over the next few months. My lease is up early next year, so I could potentially find more affordable housing. There might be other household changes I can pull off. At the very least, I can start using my credit card more often and just put off some expenses until after the holidays/tax filing. I expect much of what Babybot needs will be received for Christmas.

 

I work on self care. If I can’t change most of my living situation or expenses, perhaps I can keep myself from losing it.

September

Finished at negative $592.10

 

Still paying student loans, still paying off medical bills, two months behind on transit reimbursement.

 

I must look desperate because my pastor slipped me a hundred dollars for the baby.

 

I had a job interview today and another on Friday. I know I’ll be laid off in the next 18 months, and I should know when in the next couple of weeks. The field I’m in is being overhauled and entering a new service model and new funding structure, so all of the existing positions will be phased out and new jobs will replace them. But we aren’t being promised new jobs under the new system. The job descriptions and background requirements will be different, so they expect to hire a lot of better qualified people from outside the organization.

 

I continue to expect major legal expenses. any day now, as Babybot’s alleged father keeps escalating. it costs almost $400 just to file a complaint about him violating the restraining order. plus $25 to request a copy of a police report, and there must be a dozen of them now. and that doesn’t include the cost of actually hiring a lawyer.

August

August financial

Finished the month in black!!

$752.31 to be exact.

Of course, that was only due to the rare occurrence of receiving a third paycheck within the calendar month, but never mind that.

 

In September looms the possibility of additional child care costs as my work schedule changes with the school year. I’ve been good about keeping grocery and home goods spending low. I don’t expect any holiday/birthday/etc spending, or any travel.

 

There could be major legal expenses though.

 

I haven’t changed my loan payments, but I will as soon as my situation gets more desperate.  I’m looking at other daycare options too.

word clouds

I’ve been making word clouds from some of the emails sent by the man who abused me. It’s absurd, I know, but I needed to be able to laugh at this. And I really needed to re-read and inventory each message so I can track the wax and wane of his psychosis, document specific threats, etc. Unfortunately I deleted some of the most incriminating ones, so I need to seriously consider what can be presented in court. Whether it would make sense to pursue criminal charges.

 

Several times now I have been advised to resume communication with him, just to gather more evidence. Like I want to invite the threats all over again. But since I deleted some of the early ones there may be no other way to prove what’s been going on.

 

I hate this. I hate that I feel angry all the time. And I hate being afraid. I’m tired.

 

 

So here are some pretty word clouds for you:

http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/6978778/emails_from_an_abuser

http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/6978814/psychotic_rants  

July

July financial

 

Monthly budget for July. I’ve spent $854.64 more than I’ve earned. Holy crap.

 

A lot of this is extra childcare expenses because of babybot’s daycare closing. And the incidental expenses of having to replace stuff I lost at the beginning of the month. Like my bus pass. Modifications to my student loans haven’t gone into effect yet, and I started paying off some past medical expenses. But holy crap. I was actually making an effort this month.

 

There’s really not much I can cut. Next month transportation and childcare expenses will go back to normal, but “normal” is still too much. I made a few dollars selling old books, but that’s literally only a few dollars. I located a food bank that gives out free baby formula. I’ll start using that one of these days. I need all the “free” I can get. And I need to stop eating out. Heck, I just need to stop eating.

 

I’d love to sell some plasma, eggs, pretty much anything short of a kidney.

 

Next month will be better. It has to be.

June

June financial

Monthly budget for June.
I’ve spent $620.81 more than I’ve earned. This is bad.

Next month I will have additional medical expenses and childcare expenses. My phone bill will be slightly less, since this month had the activation fees and new equipment. And I need to buy (make!?)some birthday presents for the little cousins.

I’m having a hard time figuring out what to cut. It’s usually groceries, but that won’t account for $600.

I could switch babybot from organic formula to regular, but I REALLY don’t want to, and that will account for MAYBE $50. I can switch my own diet to rice and raman, but I really hate that shit.

I might be able to refinance my student loans, but that only means more debt over more years, it won’t really solve the problem.

I’m doing more laundry by hand, but that’s only a few dollars a month. Stealing toilet paper from public restrooms is given, but it doesn’t save a whole lot either.

I haven’t been spending anything on clothing, recreation, etc. I haven’t filled my prescriptions in a while. I really don’t eat out.

Strongly considering making sock puppets or something to sell on etsy. Selling used books on amazon. Selling plasma. Entering drug trials. Prostitution. Something. I’m gonna run out of money real soon here.